Trump Says He Would Have ‘Run’ Into School To Rip Florida Shooter Apart With His Bare Hands

Donald Trump may have used deferments to dodge the Vietnam draft a total of five times, but the Commander-in-Queef says that had he been in Florida when one of his supporters armed with an assault rifle killed 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, he would have totally stopped it.

In fact, Trump says he wouldn’t even need a weapon:

“I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon.” Trump said at a meeting of the governors at the White House on Monday

“You never know until you’re tested,” said The Donald, whose “bone spurs” allowed him to skip serving his country. “But I think, I really believe I’d run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon and I think most of the people in this room would’ve done that too because I know most of you.”

To be clear, it is almost never a good idea to charge at someone armed with an assault rifle unless your name is “Logan” or “Wade” or another melee-centric comic book superhero. Even then, you’re probably getting shot a few times. But Trump’s desire to seem “macho” is apparently more important than coming up with any real solutions to our country’s gun violence problem.

Naturally, everyone in the world seems to be having a lot of fun with Dumb Trump Statement #499874675875566347.

If Trump were to “run” anywhere in a high school it would be to the girls’ locker room based on his history of running away from any conflict that places him in harm’s way and spying on underage girls in their changing rooms. Since he has a documented fear of stairs, even if he wasn’t a coward and ran in there unarmed to f*ck up a shooter, the entire thing would just go up in smoke the moment he realized elevators weren’t working.

Trump is a perpetual embarrassment to our country, and he’s not going to stop until Republicans step up and remove this uniquely unqualified individual from office.

CORRECTION: We inadvertently used a photo of “Fat Bastard” from the Austin Powers movies in place of Trump. We hope you can forgive this completely understandable confusion. The image has been fixed.


Image via screengrab