If This Missouri Senate Candidate Is For Real, He’s A Real Subhuman Scumbag

Add this name to the list of people you’ve never heard of, but are about to: Courtland Sykes.

The Missouri Republican is a Navy Veteran, an impossibly good looking model-type, and a misogynist pig who’s stuck in the early 1950’s. He’s also running for the United States Senate in an uphill challenge against Democrat Claire McCaskill.

The problem is, since he announced his run at the Senate, nobody’s sat him down for an interview. He has, however, released a headshot to reporters, along with an interview-style, 11-page document that outlines some of his positions:

  • He loves Breitbart News
  • Hates feminism
  • Hates Muslims
  • Thinks nobody in Detroit can read
  • Digs the “alt-right”

He also addressed whether he favored women’s rights, in a way that beggars belief:

“Chanel (Rion), my fiancee, has given me orders to favor these rights, so I’d better. But Chanel knows that my obedience comes with a small price that she loves to pay anyway — I want to come home to a home-cooked dinner at six every night, one that she fixes.

It’s exactly the kind of family dinner that I expect one day my future daughters will learn to make after they too become traditional homemakers and family wives — think Norman Rockwell here — and Gloria Steinham be damned.”

Now, I’m not sure if Sykes is aware of Rockwell’s liberalism after he began seeing a psychotherapist for his severe depression (likely brought on by the fact that his art was hijacked by Cold War politics), but he should probably check out some of Norman’s later work before he starts citing him as an influence, à la Saturday Evening Post.

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That headshot, though:

Oh, I’ve already Google reverse image-searched it. I’ve been through his whole Facebook profile, and it appears to be legit. He even has pictures with his mom from when he was younger.

It’s not that I don’t believe that Courtland Sykes is a real person. I just have a hard time believing this guy is for real.


Featured image via Facebook