10 Reasons Donald Trump And Kim Jong-Un Are Basically The Same Person

There are no two crazy people ever mentioned more in the news than the leaders of West and East, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un. For the citizens of America and North Korea, unfortunately, no two crazy leaders are more alike. From out-of-control hair to ludicrous proclamations, Trump and Kim are like brothers from another (deeply disturbed) mother.

We thought we’d take a look at some of the ways the two are alike, starting with what we’ve already mentioned…

They’re both batshit crazy

Kim Jong-Un was the undisputed world champion of insanity until right around the middle of Trump’s run at the presidency here in the United States. How could anyone compete with Kim’s reclamation of one half hour from the Japanese on August 15, 2015, 96 years after the Korean dignitary says Japan “stole time” from North Korea? It’s hard to keep up with a man who learned to drive at only age three.

Trump does his best, though. On day one of his presidency, he insisted that it stopped raining just as he began to give his inaugural address — which was news to those in attendance getting wet as it began raining at precisely that moment. That same day, Donald looked out at a crowd roughly half the size of the previous inauguration to take place and declared it “the biggest crowd at any inauguration, ever.”

Sometimes it’s not crazy — it’s just lies

Kim is famous for using doctored video to fake missile launches, a “show” of his military prowess and resolve. Trump prefers to lie the old-fashioned way: by just making shit up and hoping nobody calls him on it. We don’t actually have room here for a more complete documentation of all of the outright lies from either Toddler Tyrant, but rest assured that the lists are extensive.

Both demand constant adoration

…although their rallies look slightly different:

Uniforms, flowers, and colorful dresses line the streets of North Ko-razy (Pool/Getty)

Fans display a makeshift sign made of used beer cases (Justin Merriman/Getty)

They both like uniforms and get tiny boners when they see military displays

In July, upon release of the Hwasong 14 missile, Kim (who is literally never seen out of uniform) reportedly “expressed satisfaction, saying it looked as handsome as a good-looking boy and was well made.”

Just one month earlier, Trump was waxing romantic about his own terrible toys, pitching the sale of “beautiful military equipment because nobody makes it like the United States” while he was in the Middle East. There was no uniform for Trump that day, but only because he wasn’t on an aircraft carrier.

They’re both CRAZY racist against black people

Remember that time Kim Jong-Un said, “It would be perfect for Obama to live with a group of monkeys in the world’s largest African natural zoo and lick the breadcrumbs thrown by spectators” through the Korean Central News Agency?

I’d pretty much put an equals sign between that and the time Trump told the former president of Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino that “laziness is a trait in blacks.”

They both think women are useful as toys

Frankly, that’s gross, so I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time on this entry, other than to say that Trump’s “you can do anything” looks exactly the same to me as Kim’s “Pleasure Squad.”

They both hate a free and open media

So this one’s kind of misleading: Kim Jong-Un inherited a State Media from his dad. They pretty much just say whatever he tells them to say, and he has the final word on whether anything anyone in his country ever says makes it into print. There is no internet for regular citizens in North Korea.

Trump, on the other hand, is trying to get there by delegitimizing our constitutionally-protected press and supporting television programming that serves as propaganda.

Both are obsessed with punishing people for crimes

Maybe you’ve heard of some of North Korea’s brutal executions for “crimes” as petty as falling asleep during an event. But do you remember that time Donald Trump took out full-page ads in every paper in New York calling for the execution of the “Central Park Five,” a group of teenage boys who were coerced into confessing to a rape they didn’t commit? They were completely exonerated by DNA evidence, and reimbursed $41 million by the state for their ordeal. Trump reiterated his belief that the boys (then men) were guilty as recently as 2016. “What were they doing in the Park, playing checkers?” he tweeted a few years back. To recap the last four horrid sentences: Trump wanted the death penalty for a non-capital crime that the people didn’t commit.

Oh yeah, corruption!

How could I forget this one? Although we don’t know the extent of Kim Jong-Un’s corruption, we can make a pretty educated guess, based on the fact that like his father before him, he lives like a king while the citizens of North Korea literally eat sawdust to keep from starving.

Trump’s corruption, however, can be more accurately tracked because there are websites dedicated to chronicling it all. I would hate to see the internet run out of available pages, though, so hopefully we get rid of this guy soon. In fact, he never should have been president in the first place, because like all fascists…

Trump and Kim both took power in a sham election

The Kim family, of course, has always been in power in the secretive kingdom. But that doesn’t stop them from “electing” their leaders — who run unopposed, of course.

Trump’s dark ties to Russia, however, may prove to be the end of his presidency. For all the indignity we’ve suffered in even allowing Donald Trump to assume the presidency of the United States, we at least still have a constitution and some semblance of democracy. And we have something North Koreans don’t: Bob Muller and a grand jury.

I’m sure you could comment on this with more examples of similarities between the two Supreme Leaders. In fact, feel free! But bookmark the page for when you get into arguments on the internet — there are a lot of useful links in this article. In fact, forward this thing to your right-wing uncle, and tell him to click everything he sees.

It can’t possibly hurt him to know his favorite politician is basically a crazy Asian dictator.

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Featured image via Wikimedia Commons