Senator Who Has Accomplished Nothing Is Very Upset People Think He’s Accomplished Nothing

Mitch McConnell is not a happy man. That’s probably true in general, especially considering he wakes up every morning only to find a bespectacled testudine in the mirror when he goes to brush his beak teeth. But speaking to a Rotary Club in his home state of Kentucky on Monday, poor Mitch seemed even more glum than usual. If you can imagine, his mood was darker than the night John McCain cut McConnell’s healthcare bill down the belly with a Caesarean thumbs-down on the Senate floor.

Why was he so upset? The Senate Majority Leader is mad because people just don’t understand how government works. Specifically, they don’t get the fact that legislation is apparently glacial in progress when he’s involved. ABC News caught a little of McConnell’s speech to the rotarians:

“I’m not gonna ask for a show of hands, but I know everybody’s saying we’ve been there, haven’t done anything. Which, uh, I find… Extremely irritating.”

Do go on, Mitch.

“And I’m gonna tell you why. Now Congress goes on for two years. And part of the reason, I think, that the storyline is that we haven’t done much is because, in part, because the president and others have set these early timelines about — things need to be done by a certain point.”

I bet this is the part where Mitch says Donald Trump is new to this job! Let me get some popcorn, because this is about to ge– ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

“Now our new president has of course not been in this line of work before, and I think had excessive expectations about how quickly things happen in the democratic process. And so part of the reason I think people feel like we’re under-performing is because too many kind of artificial deadlines unrelated to the reality and the complexity of legislating may not have been fully understood.”

What?!? Nothing about Democrats screwing everything up?

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“And of course our political adversaries love to say that any time.”

That’s better. And I bet it felt good to get all that nasty butthurt off his chest, too.

You still haven’t accomplished anything though, dumbass. President Barack Obama was handed his first bill to sign nine days after his inauguration. I mean, I guess he had “been in this line of work before,” although Republicans sure were loath to admit it. Still, nine days kinda belies that whole “reality and complexity of legislating” thing.

You can watch Mitch whine here:

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