Christian fundamentalists all over the country are answering some kind of a “call to arms” to defend their faith from certain death. To that end, Jared Vallorani, CEO of Liberty Alliance, sent out a plaintive email to his “patriotic” followers, which contained an idea for scaring gay people straight. It’s really quite simple:
“We want to see 1 MILLION cars on our streets and highways with this emblem. We are not hiding. We are right in front of you and we will not lay down and allow any more of this foolishness to destroy our country that our fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers fought and died for. I want every Christian Patriot in America to get the Star-Spangled Fish Emblem for their vehicle. Can you imagine driving through town and seeing 5 out of every 10 cars with the emblem on it?”
He went on to say:
“I assure you, they will take notice! Just like in any game, when the defense makes a big play, it strikes fear in the heart of their opponent.”
Because a fish on a car is such an instrument of fear and intimidation. Co-opting our flag for a hate-filled purpose is sooooooo totally terrifying that anybody reading this should be quaking in fear right now. Even the LGBT community. Especially the LGBT community. The horror of star-spangled fish adorning a million cars will certainly have all non-believers and sinners cowering before the Christian god, begging for his forgiveness and grace. When you see that fish on someone’s car, will you bow down like they expect?
The laughable idea that a silly fish emblem will scare people straight is only part of this, though. The emblems are available at Patriot Depot for $10 (regular price, $12.95)…and Patriot Depot is part of, dun dun DUN, Liberty Alliance. The exact same letter that Vallorani sent out to his loyal fans accompanies this overpriced fish emblem, which is pictured below:
Isn’t that just frightening?
This whole thing actually begs the question: Could this “call to arms” be just a way for Liberty Alliance to squeeze money out of their followers? Coerce your loyal followers into buying an overpriced chrome sticker and reap the financial rewards. Or, at least, be able to keep running your site for another day and a half.
This email came to Joe My God through Matt Barber’s BarbWire, which is one of the many Christian fundie websites that are part of Liberty Alliance. That, predictably, is made up of people who only want liberty for themselves.
Also predictably, they have an astonishingly hypocritical description of themselves:
“Liberty Alliance is a network of web sites dedicated to advancing Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”
Given the sites listed on Liberty Alliance’s website, including BarbWire, Freedom Outpost, Allen West Republic, Minutemen News, Patriot Tribune, Girls Just Wanna Have Guns, Red Right Republic and more, it’s very, very clear that they mean “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” only for themselves, and fuck everyone who doesn’t fall in line. Those people can perish in hell.
We’ll be rolling our eyes and giggling uncontrollably the whole way down through those fiery gates. Liberty Alliance no doubt believes that they’ve come up with a fool-proof way to make money off their followers and get the added benefit of scaring the LGBT community into oblivion. Their efforts will likely prove fruitless.
Featured image via LinkedIn