Trump, Rubio and Cruz Want Rosa Parks On The Ten Dollar Bill, But This Fun Fact Might Change Their Minds

If you managed to survive into the third hour of last night’s interminable Republican presidential debate, you were treated to what might’ve been the most derpy hour of the proceedings. It’s unclear exactly why, but perhaps the marathon length of the debate combined with the heat exhaustion from the obviously scorching venue strained the endurance of these 11 deeply repressed, tight-assed fuddy-duddies. Who knows for sure, but the real fun began in the final act.

Never mind the syllabus of Trump-isms throughout the rest of the night, everything came down to that last hour when, for example, the candidates strained their atrophied groin muscles desperately attempting to spin former Reagan Secretary of State George Schultz’s views on the climate crisis as somehow “liberal.” It turns out, the word “Reagan” is only meaningful as a cue for Republican viewers to collectively swoon. But when confronted by actual Reagan policies like amnesty for undocumented workers, or that he actively negotiated with both Iran and Soviet Russia, it’s nothing but vacant, stunned silence from the usual suspects or, in the case of Chris Christie, admitting that Saint Reagan was human and could “make mistakes.”

That said, if your supply of popcorn and brown liquor made it beyond that point, you’re one of the lucky ones because the best thing ever happened during one of the last questions.

CNN moderator Jake Tapper asked the candidates which woman they’d choose to replace Alexander Hamilton on the ten dollar bill. (Personally, I’d rather see genocidal megalomaniac Andrew Jackson replaced on the 20, but so be it.)

Weirdly, though not surprisingly, two of the candidates chose women who weren’t even Americans. Jeb Bush offered up Margaret Thatcher, while John Kasich suggested Mother Theresa. Why do Bush and Kasich hate America? However, the truly surprising answers came from Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and, yes, Donald Trump.

RUBIO: The — Rosa Parks, an everyday American that changed the course of history.

For once, I agree with Rubio. I support The Rosa Parks for the ten.

CRUZ: I very much agree with Marco that it should be Rosa Parks. She was a principled pioneer that helped change this country, helped remedy racial injustice, and that would be an honor that would be entirely appropriate.

Wow! I also agree with Ted Cruz. Rosa Parks: civil rights pioneer, “uniter.”

TRUMP: Well, because she’s been sitting for three hours, I think my daughter, Ivanka, who’s right here. Other than that we’ll go with Rosa Parks. I like that.

That’s the way Trump rolls: fantasizing about having sex with his daughter then putting her on our money.

By the way, let’s not overlook how Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association and GOP candidate Mike Huckabee have also recently praised Rosa Parks.

Seriously, though, Rosa Parks would be a stupendous choice to replace Hamilton on the ten. It’s nice to know there’s bipartisan agreement on something in this age of political divisiveness and polarization. Not only was Parks a bulwark against segregation and an inspiration to generations of civil rights activists, but Cruz, Rubio and Trump might be interested to know another lesser-discussed fun fact about Parks.

Activist Madison Kimrey reminded us via Twitter:

Whoops!

Madison is exactly right, of course. Via Parks’ biography:

Unable to find work, [Parks and her husband] eventually left Montgomery; the couple, along with Rosa’s mother, moved to Detroit, Michigan. There, Rosa made a new life for herself, working as a secretary and receptionist in U.S. Representative John Conyer’s congressional office. She also served on the board of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

Here’s what Parks wrote about Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger upon receiving the first ever Sanger award from Planned Parenthood:

There is a striking kinship between our movement and Margaret Sanger’s early efforts. She, like we, saw the horrifying conditions of ghetto life. Like we, she knew that all of society is poisoned by cancerous slums. Like we, she was a direct actionist – a nonviolent resister. She was willing to accept scorn and abuse until the truth she saw was revealed to the millions. At the turn of the century she went into the slums and set up a birth control clinic, and for this deed she went to jail because she was violating an unjust law. Yet the years have justified her actions. She launched a movement which is obeying a higher law to preserve human life under humane conditions. Margaret Sanger had to commit what was then called a crime in order to enrich humanity, and today we honor her courage and vision; for without them there would have been no beginning. Our sure beginning in the struggle for equality by nonviolent direct action may not have been so resolute without the tradition established by Margaret Sanger and people like her. Negroes have no mere academic nor ordinary interest in family planning. They have a special and urgent concern.

Now, if we listen to liars like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Donald Trump, Sanger was a genocidal Nazi driven to eradicate African-Americans by aborting every black fetus she could find. As their only shred of evidence, they erroneously cite a passage from a letter Sanger wrote in 1939 while extrapolating her then-commonplace views on eugenics to paint Sanger as a racist Hitler disciple. In subsequent years, according to these misogynists, Planned Parenthood has carried out Sanger’s legacy by in their words continuing a genocide against fetuses of all races.

Clearly, Rosa Parks disagreed. More appropriately, Parks accepted the rational truth about Sanger and Planned Parenthood.

So, yes, I say we rally behind Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Donald Trump to support Rosa Parks for our nation’s ten dollar bill. Maybe we could invite each candidate to the unveiling ceremony to deliver a few remarks about Parks’ landmark contributions to both civil rights and reproductive rights in America. Better yet, here’s to hoping the U.S. Treasury will include their supportive quotes in various press releases and other accompanying documents for all of posterity to see. Rosa Parks: civil rights leader; Planned Parenthood board member; endorsed by Senators Cruz and Rubio, along with billionaire Republican Donald Trump.