The Jeb Bush ‘Guaca Bowle,’ And Other Stupid Sh*t The GOP Candidates Want To Sell You (IMAGES)

It’s no secret that American politics runs on money. Politicians, both those already in office, and those who are seeking office, spend a ridiculous amount of their time and energy courting big money donors. But they also need and want money from regular Joes, too. Usually the deal is, “send me some money, and I’ll send you a bumper sticker” or something like that. Of course there are the t-shirts, yard signs, campaign buttons, etc. And once in a while there is something they want to sell you that just makes you go “huh?”

This year’s GOP presidential candidates seem to be having a battle to “out-stupid” each other. Not just in terms of what they have to say on important issues, but in terms of what they seem to think that people would actually be willing to buy, and how much they would be willing to pay for it. Here now are the top 10 dumbest items for sale from the 2016 Republican presidential candidates.

10. The Bobby Jindal “Tanned. Rested. Ready” T-shirt.

Yeah, Jindal decided to remind the party whose base is filled with racists that he’s not a white dude. Something tells me that this won’t be a huge seller. To show you how low-budget Jindal’s operation is, this is the only item he has for sale, and he doesn’t even have his own storefront. His store is “powered by Shopify.” $28 and one of these can be yours!


9. The Marco Rubio polo shirt.

“Marco Polo.” Get it? This is the most inane gag since the Rick Santorum sweater vest. For $45 they’ll send it right out to you.

Marco Polo 2

8. The Ted Cruz “right turns only” bumper sticker.

$10 for this little beauty, which is probably popular in New Jersey, where most left turns are made from the right lane. (If you’ve ever been to Joisey, you get that.)

Ted Cruz Bumper Sticker

7. The Rand Paul “Filibuster Pack.”

For $30, you can get a t-shirt, a bumper sticker, AND the “NSA Spy Cam Blocker.” (It’s a little doohickey that fits over the camera on your computer, so those spy guys can’t watch you.)

Filibuster pack

6. Jeb Bush “rally flash” tattoos.

What’s a “rally flash?” At any rate, you can get five tattoos for $10. And they’re not permanent, so you won’t wind up like the guy who had the Mitt Romney logo tattooed on his face in 2012.

Jeb Tattoos

5. The “50-Pack” of Scott Walker rally placards.

Somebody doesn’t seem to realize that not all Walker supporters have as much money as the Koch brothers. But hey, if you buy 50 of these, for a cool $720, you get a 20 percent discount, and you’ll have enough for you, all your friends, and up to 49 other Walker supporters.

Walker campaign placard

4. The Ted Cruz “courageous conservatives” poster.

Featuring — who else? — Ted Cruz! A steal at $25.

Courageous conservatives

3. Donald Trump’s campaign pom-poms.

No, we couldn’t possibly make this one up. For $12.50 you can have  your own Donald Trump campaign pom-poms. And the description is just as hilarious as the item:

RAH-RAH-RAH!! Let’s cheer Donald J Trump all the way to the White House! Our spirit poms are just the thing to show your excitement about making America great again!

I hear they sold a bunch of these to the gang over at Fox News.

Trump pom poms

2. The Jeb Bush guacamole “bowle.”

At $75 this is one of the more pricey items available from any of the candidates. And, according to the site, it doesn’t come with Jeb’s guacamole recipe…yet.

Jeb guaca bowl


1. The Rand Paul “Hillary Clinton” hard drive.

For $99.95 you can get a non-working hard drive with a sticker on it identifying it as “Hillary’s Hard Drive.” The site says this is a very limited edition, only 80 available. It’s still available, so it looks like even Paul’s supporters have no idea of what they would do with a non-functioning hard drive. At $99.95 it’s an expensive door stop.

Hillary hard drive

It’s not surprising that the GOP candidates want to sell you this bunch of crap to help finance their campaigns. When it comes down to their positions on issues and policy, just look at the crap they’re trying to sell you there!

Featured image via composite