Top 5 Stupid Things Pseudo-Christians Said This Week

This week brings our first two-time entry but, once you see these comments, you’ll agree that both were worthy of making the list. On the minds of prominent pseudo-Christians this week are grand delusions, mindless threats, zombies and the rebirth of slavery. Sounds like a typical day in Hollywood.

† John Hagee is apoplectic over Israel. You know why evangelicals are so invested in that country, right? It has to do with their End Times, of which Israel and the Jews are a very big part. The Christian Zionists — Hagee is one of the most prominent — believe that half of the world’s Jews must dwell in Israel for their little Armageddon fantasy to play out. They help Jews the world over to immigrate to Israel for this reason. Hagee has a lot invested in Israel remaining safely set aside for the Christian scenario. So, naturally, if he thinks it’s in danger, he loses it. Like he did this week:

“God could care less about what we say about Russia, about China, about Iran, but when we as a nation take a stand against Israel, God will take a stand against us. I refer you to the Babylonians, to the Romans, to the Greeks, to the Ottoman Empire, to the great empire of England that is now nothing more than an island because of their anti-Semitic actions against the Jewish people. If we allow terrorists to attack Israel, God will allow terrorists to attack the United States of America.”

Hagee is fudging his history to draw the conclusions he did about Babylon, Rome, Greece, the Turks and England. Of course, pseudo-Christians love them some revisionist history. The reasons for the fall or shrinkage of those cultures are myriad and complex. Hagee is obviously incapable of such subtlety.

† Jim Bakker is back on the list, this time with an unbelievable reason for you to buy his prepper goods:

“New York, Chicago, all of your big cities, will be Hell. The gangs will take what they want. They will kill to take what they want. Then then they will start eating bodies of the people they kill.”

I think maybe he’s been binge watching The Walking Dead. It’s certainly a creative way to instill fear into his viewers. And that, of course, leads to more purchases of his survivalist gear. Yep. He’s found a great new way to bilk the fearful.

† Rick Wiles made it onto the list twice this week. This first quote is a good example of why Wiles consistently appears on this list. It combines fear-mongering with blame.

“Add it up: Bird flu is killing tens of millions of chickens and turkeys, a mysterious virus is killing millions of piglets, a mysterious colony-collapse disorder is killing billions of honeybees, California is in the throes of a mega-drought unlike anything seen in over 1,200 years. Why? The answer is very simple: America is in a state of rebellion against almighty God.”

Yeah, because that science stuff is so boring. And mysterious only to him. We know what is killing pigs; a new strain of swine flu. And honeybees are dying because of man-made pesticides. The drought? Yeah, that’s down to us, too. Climate change, right a bell? No, it’s much scarier if we blame it all on a wrathful deity.

† Rick Wiles, again. This time, he claims to have heard directly from that wrathful deity. Because Wiles is special, you see. So God talks to him. We know what causes this now and can treat it with psychoactive drugs. Here’s what God supposedly said to the very special Rick Wiles:

“He said, ‘America has dealt treacherously with me as a treacherous wife.’ And He said, ‘She wants what’s beautiful and good and then she began to commit adultery with other men and I forgave her, and she did it again and I forgave her, and she did it again and I forgave her, and she did it again and I forgave her. But now she’s committing homosexual sex with another woman and I cannot look at her anymore.’ He said, ‘I can’t even look at her, she’s not my wife anymore. The divorce is final.’ He told me that on the day the U.S. Supreme Court ruled, God went to court too and he got a divorce.”

Um. Is he talking about America, or is there some serious subtext going on here? See, this is what happens when one tries to sublimate natural urges. Pseudo-Christians treat sex like some sort of disease, even heterosexual sex. Instead of dealing with sexual urges, they push them down. At some point, though, these urges will force their way back out and they are usually twisted and perverse by the time they do. It sounds like Rick Wiles is using a 2×4 to push his back. This won’t end well.

† Bryan Fischer is back this week. This time he’s railing about the challenge against Mississippi’s ban on gay adoption. That state still has a ban in place, the only one in the nation that’s still standing. It’s so terrible that gay couples would want to give orphans a safe, loving home. So horrible, in fact, that Fischer went full dipwad against it:

“Ladies and gentlemen that (challenging the ban) is just a form of tyranny. When you compel people to do things contrary to their will, contrary to their conscience, that’s slavery as well as tyranny. So you think about it, who’s bringing slavery back to the south? Who’s bringing slavery back to the Confederate States of America? It’s the homosexual lobby. When you compel people to provide services against their will, that is involuntary servitude, that is slavery. I submit to you that it is the homosexual lobby that’s single-handedly bringing slavery back to the Confederate States of America.”

Wait, what? Letting gay couples adopt is slavery? Man, that is some serious pretzel logic. Nobody is forcing anyone to do things “against their will.” There is always a choice. Those who choose to go into business are legally required to follow all state and federal laws. That includes non-discrimination laws. If following the law equates to “involuntary servitude” in the mind of a business owner, they can close up shop. That’s the cost of doing business in 21st century America: not being able to discriminate because your religion tells you to. Slavery? Please. Fischer, like the majority of right-wingers, has no conception of what actual slavery is like.

swoop divider
That’s the pseudo-Christian crazy for this week. Please remember that you can send me submissions for the list @madwomanmoon. See you next week!