14 Reasons A Fetus Is Absolutely Not A Person

Every election cycle, it seems the attack on women’s healthcare gets more and more vicious. While this year, Republicans aren’t calling women “sluts” and “prostitutes” for asking that insurance covers birth control like it covers other medications, they are doing something much worse – they are trying to shut down medical care for over 4.6 million people each and every year.

The basic argument is always the same: fetuses are people. Most don’t go as far as Mike Huckabee, who said he’d send the National Guard to prevent a woman from exercising autonomy over his body, but the intention is there with all the anti-choicers.

When push comes to shove, though, even the most rabid anti-choicers don’t really believe that a fetus is a human being. If it were, enter cottage industries would be springing up and, trust me, conservative capitalists rarely pass up an opportunity to make money.

For fun more than anything, I’ve compiled a list of policies and customs that prove that no, fetuses are not human. Forgive me, some of these are silly but there is a grain of truth to all of them. The basic fact is, fetuses are not thought of as full people and if they were, life would be very different.

Fourteen ways a fetus ISN’T a human:

14. If a fetus is a person then why don’t they issue conception certificates?

13. If a fetus is a person then why do they go to an OB/GYN for medical care instead of a pediatrician?

12. If a fetus is a person then why can’t we claim it on our taxes?

11.  If a fetus is a person then why do we count age starting from birth?

10.  If a fetus is a person then why is it often kept a secret for the first three months?

9.  If a fetus is a person then why does “God” kill so many of them?

8. If a fetus is a person then why doesn’t it eat its own food?

7.  If a fetus is a person then why does medicine put the life of the mother before that of the fetus?

6.  If a fetus is a person then why can’t it live outside the womb for several months?

5.  If a fetus is a person does that mean a pregnant woman is two people? Can she drive in the carpool lane? Can she buy two items when a store advertises “one per customer” sales?

4.  If a fetus is a person, why would a politician even consider a rape or incest exception?

3.  If a fetus is a person, why is no one (I shouldn’t speak too soon) suggesting the death penalty for women who have abortions?

2.  If a fetus is a person then why is the smallest clothing size “newborn?”

1.  If a fetus is a person then why aren’t adoptions finalized until after the baby is born?

In no way am I trivializing abortion. For most women, it’s a very difficult decision, but to take away that right to make that decision is to say that not only are fetuses people, their personhood takes precedence over the personhood of the woman and that is indefensible. And for dog’s sake, can we please stop calling people “pro-life” or even “pro-fetus?” Not one anti-choicer gives a damn about quality of life. Very few want pre-natal care to be free.

Featured image via Pixabay