This Donald Trump Insult Generator Enables Even Us Peasants To Feel The Donald’s Wrath

Donald Trump is that kid bullies used to trick into putting his legs behind his head and then got them stuck there. What makes him so fun and such a magnet for sensationalist media coverage (which he mistakes for presidential inertia), however, is that Donald Trump will chew you out like a scurvy pirate nursing a flesh wound while he’s stuck there, as if he was Napoleon after the Battle of Austerlitz.

Trump has his own vernacular, which falls somewhere between showbiz Vegas and the egomaniacal psychopathia associated with most successful CEOs. He’s perfect, baby — Telly Savalas-style – and you, bub, got no class, no style, no nothing. He’s amazing and you’re just a pile of liberal tears, no better than the “rapists” and “war heroes” out there mooching off his great ideas while complaining and offering no solutions in return.

But Trump? Trump’s got solutions. Hell, he can get you solutions by 3 o’clock, with nail polish.

And for those of us who aren’t able to grind the mustard, in Trump’s eyes, well, he’s got a tongue as bitter-lashing as his own hair in a wind tunnel.

But so few of us will ever be so near the divine hems of Trump’s radar that we might be so blessed as to be flagellated by the deeply wounding words of such an Olympian business mogul. After all, do you not avert your eyes from the Lord?

But for those of us unlucky enough to live free from Trump’s ire, classless as we are, the folks over at Mother Jones have come up with the next best thing – a Donald Trump Insult Generator.

Go ahead and enter your name, a friend or loved one’s name, or the names of your favorite and most loathed politicians. Hell, let’s see what Trump has to say about himself while we’re at it. After all, every good leader should be capable of a bit of self-reflection.

So let’s have it, Mr. Trump – are you the candidate Americans should look to for leadership in 2016?

(Image courtesy of Mother Jones)

(Image courtesy of Mother Jones)

Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself, Donny. After all, look at the rest of the Republican clown car taking aim at the presidency in 2016 and look at your numbers. You just may have a shot at becoming a real candidate after all.

And hell, if you don’t, you can always switch over to Independent, right?

Thatta-boy. Who loves ya, baby?

Featured image via Mother Jones screen capture