The Coming Of The GOPocalypse – The End Of Republicans As We Know Them

When Republicans took the senate in 2014, the outlook for our country and any kind of reasonable government looked grim. Jon Stewart named it Democalypse 2014. As Democrats ran from their President in droves, voters responded by staying home.

It turns out reports of the destruction of the Democratic party, and democracy in general, were premature and greatly exaggerated. Analysis of the 2014 election leans towards the GOP takeover being inevitable with so many seats available in unfriendly red states. Within days, we saw an invigorated President Obama, ready to fight for what he believes in, taking on the Republicans virtually single-handedly, and winning.

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That streak culminated in last week’s epic and crushing victories for the administration, the American people and equality. While victory after victory came rolling in, GOP candidates and their ignorant base of bigoted fools began showing dissent in the ranks. The ideals they hold so dearly and the notions that they are the party of righteousness collapsed all around them, and the scramble was on to find something…anything…to bind them back together.

Unfortunately for the GOP, it wasn’t in the cards.

A conservative racist murders nine black people while they pray.

This was a win for nobody. While it became a rallying point against gun violence and racism and proved just how dangerous right-wing extremism can be, nine people lost their lives for no reason. The GOP base went silent. Fox News tried to pin the murders on “Christian persecution,” only to be laughed into their own silence.

Out of the absolute horror, however, something magical happened. People started to take notice that while all of these conservatives were showing remorse for those killed, they were doing it from under the shadow of a confederate flag.

The confederate flag issue becomes an instant destroyer of GOP unity.

From Governor Nikki Haley and Senator Lindsay Graham in South Carolina came a shocker: The flag they had both supported in the past as a symbol of “southern heritage and pride” suddenly became the inappropriate symbol of racism and hate most of the country sees it as. Governor Haley calls for it to be removed from the statehouse property and Graham says it belongs “in museums.”

Across the nation Republicans were forced to fall in line, creating a rift with the imbeciles they’ve spent so much time, energy, money and hate cultivating into a base to replace their base of dying old men who still think Republican means “fiscally conservative.”

The new base, made up of Christian extremists who believe Jesus was  a white man with sandy hair and blue eyes from the middle east, have been bred to believe the poor are the cause of all our problems, that minorities are the reason there are poor people to begin with, and that true “patriots,” meaning idiots with lots of guns and hate, are our country’s only chance of redemption.

They love their confederate flag, and their leaders calling for its removal is almost enough for a rejuvenation of a dying Tea Party, willing to splinter from traditional conservatives and cause a ruckus in the primaries. With no unification in sight, its bound to turn into the ever-typical “with us or against us” dance of the dunces.

A close call on Obamacare.

For weeks before the Supreme Court ruled that Affordable Care Act subsidies would remain available for more than 6 million Americans, Republicans scrambled to explain what they would do if they won. Paul Ryan made a fool of himself as he stumbled through an interview promising some super-secret squirrel answer to the daunting question of what the GOP would do if subsidies in red states, where federal exchanges were most necessary due to an inability to do what’s best for your people if the President is black, disappeared.

Republicans began voicing their concern and yet another rift in the party began. Constituents were left scratching their heads, wondering why some lawmakers were in a near panic when all the party has preached for years is repeal of the president’s signature health care law.

The Supreme Court saved their collective a$$es, and they wasted no time jumping right back in to attack and threaten repeal of a law that is working. If they think moderates haven’t taken notice of their complete lack of a plan to save the country from the economic collapse repealing the ACA would cause, they should think again.

The gay marriage divide.

After being kicked, kicked, and kicked again, Republicans were bruised, bloodied and sore. Then they were kicked again.

When the Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal across the nation, the equality straw officially broke the intolerant camel’s back. The extremists like Mike Huckabee immediately declared SCOTUS a lawless group of un-elected people who have no right to tell us what to do, unless of course they’re ruling on Citizens United or Hobby Lobby.

GOP candidates have made their positions clear, and those positions don’t jive with what Americans want.

Approval of same-sex marriage is polling at 63 percent. That’s not 63 percent of Democrats or liberals, that’s 63 percent of Americans. By ignoring those numbers and pandering to the ultra-conservative, candidates like Huckabee and Cruz have alienated themselves from moderates by calling for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, while Lindsay Graham, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie and a majority of the clown car have opposed any sort of amendment, thereby alienating the base they’ve worked so hard to cater to.

Winning is important, but their loss is epic.

The tremendous week equality and fairness enjoyed last week wasn’t just a win for liberals, it was a major loss for Republicans, their candidates and their primary. They’ve ensured a brutal debate season where watching them rip each other to shreds over votes they won’t get in the general election because of their hypocrisy will be a jolly good time.

Featured image: Charles Topher