Here’s The Insane Conspiracy Theory Conservatives Are Blaming SCOTUS Obamacare Ruling On

Unable to believe the Supreme Court would smack down a singularly idiotic lawsuit against the Affordable Care Act, conservatives appear to have driven straight into delusional la-la land to cope.

According to The Blaze contributor Wayne Root, the idea that this patently outrageous lawsuit was thrown out is signs that President Obama must have gotten to Chief Justice John Roberts through intimidation and threats against his family. Stop laughing, he’s serious.

It’s time to start asking the question. It’s time to be cynical. It’s time to assume the worst of this government.

Has Supreme Court Justice John Roberts been blackmailed or intimidated?

I would put nothing by the Obama administration that lives and rules by the Chicago thug playbook.

What follows is seemingly the ravings of a lunatic dictated from the padded walls of an insane asylum and published without modification on Glenn Beck’s right-wing website. Baffled how Republicans could win the midterm elections and yet still “lose every key vote in Congress and every key Supreme Court ruling,” Root decides the Obama administration has strongarmed the competition. The idea that the Republican Party, while superior in numbers, is almost comically inept at governing, politicking, or accomplishing its agenda because its ranks are filled with nincompoops and grandstanding clowns, never seems to occur to him.

Suddenly when Republicans win elections, elections have no consequences. Doesn’t this seem odd? Doesn’t something smell rotten, like the fix is in?

Justice Roberts voting for Obamacare twice is as likely as me voting to save Obamacare.

Just blackmail one or two key conservative leaders to stop the GOP from blocking Obama’s agenda. Just find out the weak link of a key opposition leader or government official and hold it over their heads. It’s that simple. Suddenly sworn lifelong conservatives are giving Obama whatever he wants – Obamacare, Trans Pacific Partnership, massive tax increases, amnesty for illegals. The list is long.

Am I being too cynical? Really? Did anyone suspect former House Speaker Dennis Hastert was a child molester who commited crimes with underage boys?

Because he sure had everyone fooled. He looked like a choir boy. But he clearly did something terrible that forced him to agree to pay millions of dollars in blackmail.

There you have it. Root is arguing, and follow me here, that it’s all too likely that one or more of the Republican leadership is hiding a secret up-to-and-including being a child molester making them easily controlled by Obama, who not only knows that they are child molesters (or equivalent), but is blackmailing them into not destroying the healthcare law that gives millions of Americans access to health insurance. Any Republican could be a blackmailed child molester is literally Root’s argument. With friends like this guy, who needs enemies?

Somehow it gets worse.

As New Republic noted, Root isn’t the first guy to float the idea that Chief Justice Roberts is being blackmailed. In the aftermath of the first ACA Supreme Court victory in 2012, a conservative blog played with the idea that Roberts was being blackmailed, not because he’s a child molester (that’s all Wayne Root), but that his adopted children may have really been his illegitimate offspring.

“Jake Baker, writing at a blog called No Compromise offers an interesting new theory: he thinks that the Obama administration may have threatened to take Roberts’ children away from him. You see, they’re not his biological children. Instead, the Chief Justice and his wife adopted them in 2000. Roberts has never talked about the circumstances of their adoption, which is perfectly understandable, given the privacy such a personal transaction deserves. To the extent it’s mentioned, they’ve been said to have been adopted from a Latin American country – something inconsistent with their Nordic coloring.”

“Nordic coloring.” And these are the guys who are supposedly on the same side as Chief Justice Roberts. They’d rather believe he is a philanderer or child molester than accept that he is a legal expert who is capable of putting party affiliation aside to make judgments based on the rule of law. The party of family values, folks.

The lawsuit known as King v. Burwell was seen by many conservatives as their last, desperate chance to destroy Obamacare (and by extension, Obama’s legacy). The gambit centered on a six word sentence buried in the text of the bill that seemed to undermine the idea that the website had the authority to offer subsidies to individual state marketplaces. All but the most willfully ignorant knew that this was not what was intended.

Or as the New Republic’s Jonathan Cohn more colorfully put it:

No sentient being following the health care debate could argue, in good faith, that Obamacare’s architects intended for the federal government to set up exchanges without subsidies. It would completely subvert the law’s intent.

So built on wishful thinking and disingenuous arguments, it seems like it wasn’t blackmail or what Wayne Root calls “the Obama Crime Family,” but plain old common sense that drove two conservative justices to side with the liberals in this case. Unless… but no, you don’t think… wait, what if “common sense” is being blackmailed too? How deep does this thing go!

Feature image via Tech-no-logique