Top 18 Reasons You Might Want To Vote For Mitt Romney (Satire)

Getting burnt out on election news? Look here for a little comic relief – meant for liberals only!!

You might want to vote for Mitt Romney if:

1. You really prefer the craftsmanship of products that are made in China.

2. You also are a pathological liar, so you feel some kinship with Romney and admire his commitment to maintaining the web of deceit.

3. You can’t hold more than one thought in your head at the same time. For instance, when Fox News blah-blahs about the deficit, you can’t remember that it was actually George W. Bush’s legacy of war spending and tax cuts favoring the wealthy that turned a huge federal surplus into an even larger deficit.

4. You utterly and terribly fear the dwindling of the white majority in America.

5. You really believe that Romney has nothing to hide in the decades of tax returns that he refuses to release.

6. You’re a bit wild and unpredictable yourself, so you admire a leader who is unabashed in making dramatic changes in policy position at the drop of a hat. (Like how Romney ran as a pro-choice candidate in 1994, and then supported repeal of Roe. V. Wade starting from 2007 through this campaign.)

7. You believe your responsibility to be pro-life ends at birth.

8. When Romney said 47% of Americans are dependent “victims,” you looked at the person closest to you and realized that either they or you were, in fact, a dependent victim.

9. Your self-esteem is so low that you think that the President really shouldn’t be concerned about you.

10. You are certainly not voting for the other guy — Hussein Osama somebody — the one who believes in the climate change hoax.

11. After hearing about the tantrum that fake-orange Romney threw at the Univision taping, you believe he has the sass needed to stand up for Latinos.

12. You think any guy with a binder full of women must be a mac-daddy.

13. Romney’s vulgar outbursts – like yelling “Who the f—k are you and what the f—k are you doing?” at a teenage volunteer at the Olympics – is the kind of Presidential behavior that you admire.

14. You honestly think that GM and Chrysler/Jeep are outsourcing U.S. manufacturing jobs to China (even while every newspaper and the car companies themselves say that’s false, and Chrysler reports adding 1,100 U.S. jobs).

15. You believe so strongly that you have the right to choose whether other people have babies, that you (just like Romney) have marched uninvited into hospital rooms to demand that women not terminate pregnancies for medical reasons.

16. You too are going off the wheels on the (Bachmann/Palin/Beck) craaaz-ee train.

17. You are actively committing electoral fraud on Republicans’ behalf.

18. You think ‘Romnesia’ is an actual medical condition, and that Romney running for President in spite of his disease is an American success story.

There are oh so many more reasons to vote for Mitt Romney. Add your favorite below and it could make it onto our sequel list.

On a more serious note, on a call with supporters today President Obama asked for our help, saying I need you to vote early and get your friends and neighbors out to the polls.”

It’s up to us, now. We are the ones who must have the hope. If you haven’t voted yet, find your nearest location to vote today or Saturday.

(Also, final campaign budget decisions will be made in a matter of hours.

Please consider sending Obama at least $5 now.)


Next: 10 Super-Hypocritical CEOs Rigging The Election For Romney – And What To Do About It

Follow me: @LiberaLLamp on Twitter – On Facebook

View Liberal Lamp’s archive on this site or Contact the author of this post.