Chris Christie: The GOP’s Great White Hopeless

The first Great White Hope, Rick Perry, stumbled and fell in the last Republican debate.
And Republicans, like the loyalists that they are – instead of helping him dust himself off – are in the process of kicking him to the curb. Romney, apparently, is a Great White Mormon Hope, and therefore not the right kind of Great White Hope. And Herman Cain – well, Florida straw poll aside, he’s obviously no kind of White Hope at all.

So, it’s on to Plan B – or, rather, back to Plan A (after the first Plan A, which was Mitch Daniels, and the Plan A before that which was Charlie Christ, I think). Anyway, they have so many Plan A’s it translates into no plans at all.

Keep up the good work, Republicans. I’m loving your public humiliation.

So now the Republicans have circled back to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Okay, can we talk? There’s no way that an obese man can win the presidential election, okay? I mean, the last fat president we had was Taft, I think. I hate to be blunt, but there it is. Just look at this!


And then there’s that little pesky detail that women just don’t like Chris Christie – 55% of women in his state disapprove of him. But none of that (especially the women factor – like THAT counts) is stopping the Republican powers-that-be from continuing to court Christie as their Great White Hope – and frankly, Christie is a little schizophrenic on whether he will or he won’t run. He’s kinda doing the Sarah Palin tease.  On Friday, September 23rd, a Newsmax headline blared, “Chris Christie Reconsidering 2012 Run, Will Decide in Days.” Apparently Christie and Mitch Daniels – the two Plan A’ers – have been hanging out, putting their little heads together in a very cozy Republican’ish way. So that was Friday…but today, reported that Christie is making the rounds of fund-raisers and speeches but is still saying he won’t run.  And I don’t want to rain on their parade, but it wasn’t all that long ago – June, in fact – when polls showed that voters in his home state didn’t favor him either as president or vice-president.  I know Republicans love their white male fat cats – that’s a given. But why this particular one? It’s all so confusing – and the most confusing part is why this overweight, over-talking, rude, crude and socially unacceptable dude from Jersey is the greatest Great White Hope the Republicans could find in this great and grand country.

I’ll tell ya why – here’s a dude who slashes the budget with nary a care as to what he slashes, or who it hurts. Take his education cuts, for instance. Christie cut $10 billion from the budget, which included deep cuts to funding for schools and cities – it’s a Republican dream come true. (Of course, the state Supreme Court didn’t like his cuts much, and ordered him to give back $500 million in funding that he cut to the poorest districts since he took office…but hey, he tried.)

Christie vetoed a “millionaire’s tax” last year, and, of course, doesn’t support tax increases to balance budgets. And in another move that must have made Republicans swoon, Christie’s first spending plan cut $7.5 million from family-planning funding, causing six clinics to close – and he’s planning the same thing for next year’s budget. And then, of course, he’s the same dude who – in the midst of all the economic slashing and burning in his state – took a $12.5 million state chopper to his son’s baseball game.

Now, I’m not sure who these high-rollers are who are pushing Christie to run for president on the GOP ticket, but campaign finance records show that New York billionaire John Catsimatidis gave $25,000 to the New Jersey Republican Party in June; Kenneth Langone, co-founder of Home Depot Inc., gave $10,000 in June; and Reebok International Ltd. founder, Paul Fireman, gave $25,000 in May. I wouldn’t be too surprised to see a little Koch action in there somewhere, either.

Perry has an illegal immigration and a track record problem; Romney has a Romneycare problem; Bachmann has a Bachmann-being-Bachmann problem; Cain is…well, not white; Paul is the nutty racist professor; Gingrich is old news; Huntsman is about as exciting as paint drying; and Christie, now, the savior, has a few serious problems, not the least of which is a serious woman problem.

As Maurice Carroll, director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, said “How many women do you know who like really belligerent guys?…Most guys like that. Women don’t.”

Yeah, we really don’t. Christie reminds us of the guy we’re glad we didn’t marry…the big-mouth jock who was a dashing devil in his 20’s and turned into, well, a Christie. Let’s just sit back and watch this newest and latest Great White Hope turn into the same old, same old, Great White Hopeless.