Straw Poll, Straw Candidate: Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann. Image from

As Michele Bachmann basks in the glow of her big straw poll victory in Iowa, it all starts to play like an episode from the political Twilight Zone, which is a stratosphere that conservatives seem all too happy to dwell in. As long as the lawn chairs of their comfort zones continue to fit so easily and recognizably there’s more than a good chance that the majority of these ideologue followers have no plans of ever leaving. The results of the Iowa straw poll with Bachmann as the winner is the undeniable proof a willing and deliberate suspension of substance for the magic beans of conservatism that promise to sprout all the way to the White House in 2012. But are more than likely to only sprout their way into a running mate entanglement with a real, legitimate contender.

Whether it’s Sharon “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle or Christine “I’m not a witch” O’Donnell, the Conservative brand has a tendency to waste far too much time with clay statutes of candidates that can be molded into the exact replicas of what they want personally, but will ultimately fail when they are forced to leave the sanctity of their ideological tents, and Bachmann is no different. By all respects, the dazed deer-in-the-headlights look of Angle, the creepy, Joker-like smile of O’Donnell, and the wild-eyed, evangelical stare of Bachmann all represent the basic same narrative, which reads: unelectable to the general electorate.

So consider this political piece of history. Former chair of the Democratic National Committee and former political candidate of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean, was once considered to be a bona-fide frontrunner for the Democratic nomination back in 2004, but a funny thing happened to Dean on his way to nomination paradise. On one faithful appearance, then Democratic candidate, Howard Dean, did something that would reverberate around the entire political world. During the heat of the moment, after coming in third in the Iowa Democratic Caucuses, Dean belted out what would become his calling card, known as the ‘Dean Scream,’ and it would prove to be politically fatal to his candidacy.

Now, only in the Republican Party, the Tea Party or within the Conservative ideology can the wild, crazed, Purtanized eyes and the Purtanized ,Biblical rhetoric of Michele Bachmann be viewed as God-friendly. While Howard Dean’s outburst was considered to be a complete indictment of his insanity and his incompetency. That is because the Democrats and their progressive ideology have bewilderingly allowed the right-wing, conservative criticisms to have a sizable effect on their left-wing. While the Republican/conservative wing hasn’t allowed the Democratic left to have any effect on their politicking. This is a tactical error that makes absolutely no sense at all, and you don’t have to look any further than current Republican Senator David Vitter and former Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner to see proof of it. Maybe the conviction of the ideologue is far less bendable than the rationale of the logician. That could be why statements that discuss, not being a witch, using 2nd Amendment remedies as a possible bookend for a lost election to a left wing candidate, or someone claiming that God woke them up one morning and told them to run for Congress or the presidency can open the political door for conservative candidates, while slamming it shut on Democratic candidates who might occasionally like to let out a scream. It is unfortunate because Howard Dean could run political rings around Angle, O’Donnell, and Bachmann combined. It’s too bad that Progressives have allowed poor Dean to be screamed into political obscurity, because if Dean is unstable and crazy, then Bachmann is clinically insane.

It’s the same reason why Bachmann was able to win the 2011 Iowa straw poll. Even after being pummeled during the Republican debate just a few days earlier by Tim Pawlenty, who has now dropped out of the race after placing a distant third behind her and Ron Paul. Pawlenty was clearly the better candidate when it came to non-political intellectualism, governing, and overall politics. All of which are attributes that will come in handy in a general election. While Pawlenty was innovative and poignant in his questioning of Bachmann’s abilities to be successful beyond the boundaries of her stump speech camp, the audience was obviously not impressed or not interested because they went to the straw poll a couple of days later and chose Bachmann anyway.

Only at a straw poll/state fair could someone like a Michele Bachmann, who was carved up like a cardboard Thanksgiving turkey during the debate, be crowned the winner. After the straw poll had concluded, Sean Hannity and pollster Frank Luntz asked a large group of Iowans at the state fair who they wanted to be the next president. They all chanted, “Anybody but Obama.” That statement sums it up nicely on the ideological paper plate that it symbolizes and Bachmann has used this sentiment to her advantage. She doesn’t have much to offer from a legislative or governing standpoint. But she does have one all important attribute, which seems to be her only attribute: Her name is not Barack Obama. And if you didn’t hear her the first time, she’ll be happy to repeat it over and over again! After that, her political gas tank runs empty fast, and it’s unclear how far down the road she can travel on her anti-Obama fumes. Making her a straw candidate that the general election will huff and puff and blow down electorally. If Conservatives are happy with Bachmann, more power to them, and President Obama is probably just as happy. Perhaps she can weasel her way onto the coattails of Rick Perry or Mitt Romney, if she’s lucky.

For the record, Mrs. Bachmann, if submissive means mutual respect, it would be called mutual respect. This is why courage is not called fear, tall is not called short, and why abstinence is not called the bed post boogie. It’s why no is called no, instead of yes or maybe, and it’s why a thought is not called ‘duh?’ You might submit to someone or something out of mutual respect, fear, or admiration, but it is still submission. So regardless of how you may try to spin it, you have relegated something of yours to a lesser or non-existent role while allowing, recognizing, and accepting someone or something else’s willful ideology as dominant; and domination is not democracy.

If you don’t believe it Mrs. Bachmann, just ask some of your Republican/Tea Party buddies to submit their political power over to the Progressives and the Democrats, and you’ll find out, pronto, what the true definition of submission means. It’s one thing to agree with someone, but it’s something totally different to be forced to agree through submission. If you, Mrs. Bachmann, are going to continue to submit to your husband if you become president, then why don’t you just step down and let Marcus Bachmann assume the presidential duties? That way we can cut out the middle woman/man.

Author of the book The Fear of Being Challenged: I Am the Realacrat

Edited By: Alexis Atherton