Tex Shelters takes his Republican Entrance Exam to Run for President

Christian Gunn conducted the interview for Koch Industries.

Republican examiner, Christian Gunn (CG): What are the top issues in the world today?

Tex Shelters (Tex): Taxes, Terrorism (including terrorist unions), Immigration, and Taxes.

CG: What is scarier, a woman being raped, or taxes?

Tex: Taxes.

CG: Correct. Are you in massive denial?

Tex: More than any other candidate since Ronald Reagan.

CG: Name the last nine Presidents.

Tex: Barack Obama. And let me add that he’s what’s wrong with our nation and economy.

CG: Correct. Do you solemnly swear to fabricate facts?

Tex: All information will be vetted by Fox News and the Koch Brothers.

CG: Correct. What would you do to improve the economy?

Tex: Barack Obama has created the largest deficit of any nation ever in the history of the world and not created jobs.

CG: Correct. Name a Supreme Court decision you disagree with?

Tex: (Silence)

CG: Correct. Name a hero of yours and why.

Tex: Thomas Jefferson is my hero because he wrote the Declaration of Independence to warn the British not to take away our guns, and he loves the Bible so much that he cut it into pieces and created his own version of it to better understand it.

CG: What do you think about cap and trade?

Tex: I don’t own and caps, so I don’t have any to trade.

CG: How do you feel about global warming?

Tex: I am all for it. This planet is too cold as it is.

CG: What would you do to improve our nation’s schools?

Tex: Get rid of the teachers. They’re what’s wrong with our schools.

CG: How would you improve our nations health?

Tex: Get rid of Obamacare.

CG: Correct. Now I will show you a few inkblots for your interpretation.

Number one:

Tex: Gay sex

CG: Very good Mr. Callahan, now number 2:

Tex: Gay marriage and sex

CG: Excellent. Now number 3:

Tex: Gay sex abortion.

CG: Good. Here’s another one:

Tex: Liberal socialist abortion

CG: Excellent once again. One more Mr. Shelters.

Tex: The anti-Christ, no Barack Obama.

CG: Well done Mr. Shelters. I have one last question for you, and I think I know the answer. Are you taking this exam to run for president or to get more attention for your businesses, books, and speaking tour?

Inkblots from http://blog.nermo.com/

Tex Shelters