The Constitution for the United Tea Party and GOP States of America

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by Dave Rainsberger

We the people of the United Tea Party and GOP States of America, in order to control a more Christian union, establish Southern Justice, ensure Domestic Sovereignty, Provide for the World’s Defense, Promote the Elitist’s Welfare, and Secure God’s Blessings of Liberty for only Ourselves and our Posterity, do Ordain and Establish this Constitution for the United Tea Party and GOP States of America.

… actual text of constitution is the same since we don’t really understand it …

The Bill of the Right:

1st Amendment: Thou shalt not tread on me (aka Freedom to Force Religion Down Atheists Throats)

2nd Amendment: We can shoot anything without thumbs (aka Know the Nuge)

3rd Amendemnt: Ooh Rah Ooh Rah Fear US Guns Boom Boom Run Away (aka A Bomb Only Cost Us A Quarter)

4th Amendment – Stay off my land, don’t you see my gun? (aka That is Not Kiddie Porn on My PC)

5th Amendment – I never said that, it was my twin, oh no you didn’t! (aka Oh It’s On Tape, My Bad)

6th Amendment – We shall have drive through courts equipped with ATM machines (aka Unless You Were Smoking Pot, then Instant Conviction)

7th Amendment – All juries should be Christian since they are the only ones with a conscience (aka Jews Are Cool Too, I Guess)

8th Amendment – All punishment will match the crime, unless it is done by a government official, diplomat, policeman, agent, spy, or anyone else living off tax payers money (aka If They Are Black, Latino, Asian, Indian, or non-American, Then Death By Beating for Jaywalking is Acceptable)

9th Amendment – Blah blah blah all numbers equal the same number blah blah blah (aka Math and Counting Is Difficult so Who Cares)

10th Amendment – States get to make their own laws; nani nani boo boo there is nothing you can do about it in Washington ha HAH! (aka Unless It Is Against God or Has Anything to do with Smoking Pot)

11th 12th 13th 14th blah blah blah the rest are just suggestions, not really laws, you don’t have to follow them if you have a better idea, go for it

28th Amendment – All words of the forefathers of America are holy scripture; all of which can be interpreted to mean what we want them to mean (aka All Forefathers Were Baptist Christians Who Dreamed of a Theocracy in America) [ratified November 5th, 2010]